I feel like I have lost my way. I don’t know what to say any more about the last four years. My sister and I can talk about all the harm and deception that took place from the forced vaccinations but there is no one else I can share my feelings of loss and grief.
I was in Colorado last week spending time with old and new friends all of whom have been vaccinated . This is a very health-conscious group of people who are very careful about what they eat and put into their bodies and yet they lined up for the shots and some the boosters without hesitation. They assumed I was vaccinated and for the sake of harmony I did not tell them I wasn’t.
I wanted to talk about it with them, their decision to put this experimental drug in their bodies but did not want to be disruptive to my hosts. I knew they would not be able to hear my thoughts about this vaccine, so I kept quiet. But I wanted to understand how a group of very bright and engaged people could make a potential life-threatening decision like this.
I think I must stop reading about the impact of the vaccines and the damage that has been done to millions of people because it connects me with my feelings of helplessness.
When I was teaching undergraduates, I was often surprised how easily they acquiesced to having their liberties being taken away by the university. They never challenged anything that was done to them at school. They took the courses they were told to take no matter how irrelevant they were to their interests. Mostly their required curriculum was designed to fund courses and faculty who in an open market would be left with no students selecting their classes.
Students were only focused on getting a degree nothing else. It was as if their lives were put on hold until they had gotten that degree and then magically life would begin.
The student newspaper was supervised by some handlers from the university, so nothing was ever published that had any meaning or challenged authority. It was all pap such that they eliminated funds for it and it quietly when away. Student’s fees, a considerable sum, collected every year was controlled obstinately by a student committee who was charged with distributing the funds to campus organizations each year. However, those dispersals had to be approved by the advisor to the group and so the students were carefully guided toward what the university needed those funds to be used for. There was seldom any protest.
I had retired by the time the shots rolled around but I never heard any protest from the students. They just lined up for the shots. By this time, they had been so enculturated to obedience they just followed directions.
Now most people I know have taken the shots and no evidence to the contrary will dissuade them from their belief that the shots were beneficial. Recognizing the danger would mean they were involved in self-harm.
I thought, had hoped by now that the truth about the danger of these drugs and the damage they have done to millions of people would have emerged into the larger consciousness, but alas I am losing all hope that that will ever happen.
Even if people suspect that the shots were a failure, they want to ignore it, move on let it lie in the past unexamined.
I am left with this general uneasiness, a sadness about the dangerous security state that is consuming our lives with only marginalized resistance. It’s a pessimistic view and yet I find little hope for a reemergence of a healthy democracy where there is debate about ideas and everyone is involved.
Maybe it’s too late. The failure of public education to teach critical thinking. The junk food diets, the meaningless jobs that are soul deadening, the over reliance on prescription drugs to deaden any real or perceived pain, and the addiction to social media that dulls the senses. We are zombies moving from one distraction to another without awareness being told what to do with little protest all heading down the cattle chute to be stunned and then slowly killed by exsanguination.
I suffered in anguish for the last 4 years. I have always suffered from adverse drug reactions. I have documented over 35 instances of bad reactions to various medical procedures. Gaslighting is the norm. "Oh it couldn't possibly have been that nitrous oxide anesthesia you took last week. Maybe antidepressants can help?" I want to share that I suffered child abuse at the hands of my stepfather when I was 12 or 13. When my housekeeper and grandmother urged me to control him and tell my mother I reluctantly agreed anticipating his payback. My mother didn't believe me. She told me I made it up! I wasn't wrong about the payback. My mother blamed me for getting abused, and my step father blamed me for reporting it.
Now any time I get injured or even believe I got injured or even FEAR injury--and no one believes me--I'm emotionally distraught! Back at age 13 with both my parents claiming I don't love them so they get to mistreat me.
Have you listened to Bessel van der Kolk? He wrote a book, "The Body Keeps the Score" about how we may continue to have "weird" symptoms years after the abuse. And these symptoms can get triggered whenever events trigger the same traumatic situation.
Covid was horrible! Vaccine policies were EVEN MORE horrible! Government censorship horrible--and attempts to limit it seem as though they are failing or going to fail. Good thing that people are starting to decline boosters--especially for children.
My therapists refused to allow me to talk about vaccines. One (a registered nurse) declined to talk because she "knew nothing about vaccines." (REALLY?) Another stated he works with physicians at John's Hopkins and belongs to "the consensus medical establishment." So what do I belong to? The other consensus medical establishment?
When I tried to talk about my fears of getting incarcerated by my governor Kathy Hochul, he had nothing to say. Recently he explained that because I was paranoid he couldn't address this fear. I wish he had tried.
My therapist was VERY concerned and sympathetic to all those paralyzed with fear over Covid. He donated his free time to helping to form a supportive community to offer free supportive therapy to all those desperate to avoid infection. What about those who, instead, were desperate to avoid injection? I had nightmares of getting rejected because I forgot to bring my mask. This often happened because although I'm 81, I feel completely safe from Covid. Instead I worry about the dangers of masking, lock downs, and (shudder) mRNA.
Have you seen the movie, "Invasion of the Body Snatchers?" Alien beings from outer space land in major cities and gradually replace every resident with an emotionless, brain washed, compliant clone. They immediately become outraged and point their fingers at any "uncloned" (unvaccinated!) person who hasn't yet been converted. to the hive mind
Eventually I realized that Covid is not a big threat, the CDC lies, the vaccines are, indeed, unsafe as Jessica Rose repeatedly points out on her substack, the government will never repent for what they did, people don't want to believe the doctors they trust could, instead, be killing them.
You thought this might be that they regret admitting they were wrong. No, I think there's a bigger reason. It's actually the same reason as before: FEAR. First of all, censorship never allows people to come across dissenting opinions. People don't like to go against public opinion, let alone the science of medical consensus. Also they start to get SCARED that they might get sick--and they maybe don't want to give up their snug feelings of superiority.
God bless my therapist. Even though he recognized that our feelings are totally opposed, he reassures me that will not cause him to reject me. "We don't have to cancel each other. We can still maintain a therapeutic relationship even if we disagree."
Recently I made a breakthrough. "Please help me cope with my fear--even though it may be completely unfounded." He finally agreed. What is it like to finally listen to a minority whose fears you have always dismissed as unfounded? The world or at least your world view gets totally expanded.
Please do not give up writing your newsletter--even as you feel overwhelmed by the lack of support that you are experiencing for your position. I think people who feel as you do may finally be approaching the majority (the tipping point)
We will all sing the Wizard of Oz Song, "It's a brand new day!" and sing and dance our way into happiness--holding hands with each other. (In case Governor Hochul hasn't incarcerated us in her concentration camps, or in case Prime Minister Trudeau hasn't euthanized us. or frozen our bank accounts.) LOL